Packing/Mama

Hello All!

I'm here with Mama and taking a break from packing (which I've been doing for about... 15 minutes.) Exhausting.

We're leaving for Italy tomorrow! We'll meet up with Papa G there and have a wonderful 5 days exploring before we return to Toulouse and Dad takes home a large suitcase full of my things (thanks pops!) I'm currently in the process and packing said suitcase and it should hopefully make final packing much easier (and lighter.)

So far Mama and I have taken it pretty easy. We've checked out a flea market type thing and walked around town.  We walked by the river and Mama even participated in our weekly pub quiz! She likes the Melting Pot almost as much as we do!

We've tried out a few new restaurants, which have all been pretty yummy. The first night she was here, we went for fondue and got something called Raclette. This is essentially half a wheel of cheese that they stick on your table under a heat lamp. They serve it with baked potatoes and ham. Once the cheese is melty, you tilt it over your plate and scrape the cheese onto your plate using a wooden knife/spoon thing. And as we were told multiple times- you scrape with BOTH hands and you DON'T scoop! It was quite a new experience!

People were supposed to be coming over to check out my bed and desk today, but they're being very blase about actually coming, so we'll see.

Later today Mama is going to meet Christophe and we'll give him a thank you gift for all of his help full of goodies from home, including: Bridgewater Chocolate, maple syrup, honey, beans from the Silo, a Yankee Candle, and of course, a New England Patriots t-shirt.

I'm not sure how much I'll be posting before I get home, but I'll try to give you all an update all about Italy. I'll promise you a post-France post as well, but after that, I'm not quite sure what will become of this blog. I enjoy reading it, but once I'm back in New Milford, it's sure to become much less interesting, that's for sure.

But, for now- Mama G and I are living it up!

PS- Toulouse in the sunshine is absolutely the most incredible place in the world.

Nerves.

I've lived in the US my whole life, so why am I so nervous to be going back? I can't wait to see everyone at home and eat some delicious (aka fatty) food, but I just have this sickening feeling that it isn't going to feel like home. Many different people have told me that it is a bit of a shock re-adjusting to American culture/life and that as hard as the people at home will try, they just won't understand how I'll be feeling, unless they've experienced it themselves. Thankfully, I do have a lot of friends that have studied abroad and who will hopefully be willing to help me through the change.

I am really excited to see my Mama in less than 2 weeks and my Dad will be joining us in Florence, as you know. I'm really looking forward to seeing them and to traveling to a new place. I must admit though, I'm scared for when the trip ends and me and Mama will go back to Toulouse and pack up the apartment and head home. As much as I want to be home to see everyone, I also feel like there's a lead weight in my stomach telling me that I'm not ready to go yet. I feel like I'm not done here, like I haven't accomplished nearly enough to be leaving.

I can't even fathom how I'm going to say goodbye to everyone I've met here. These people understand me in a way that hardly anyone else has ever been able to... and they still want to spend time with me despite it!

I don't even know how to explain why I feel so connected to France. Maybe it's just that it's my first time spending a big chunk of my life away from the US. Maybe I really am just scared of the readjustment. I have changed so much since I've been here and I'm so scared that I'm going to go home and just feel completely lost in my old life.

I feel so selfish writing all of this because I know people at home will be reading it. I do miss you all. I can't wait to see you. I am just scared out of my mind and I don't really know why.

I'm honestly hoping in the back of my mind that I can't find a job this summer so that I can look for ways to come back. And I haven't even left yet.

It just feels like I am going to the US for the summer and should be coming back home to Toulouse afterwards. I know that's not the case and I know it's stupid to even think. Just each day that comes closer to me going home, I was expecting to get more excited, but I'm just feeling farther away.

It's April?!?!!

I don't know where all of the time has gone. I will be home a month from tomorrow. That is absolutely insane! I was laughing to myself thinking about the To Do list I had going when I first arrived, because now it seems I've got an even bigger one to accomplish before I leave!

I need to:

• make an appointment with my banker to stop automatically paying my rent and to figure out how to transfer the rest of the money to my American account since I'll still be getting paid after I leave for a little bit.
• end my phone contract
• take pictures of all of my furniture and post it online- and hopefully get my money back for it.
• keep pestering one of my schools until I get paid for the extra classes I've been teaching.
• keep pestering the Allocations Familiales until I get my caf money.
• go through my clothes and shoes to see what is going to come back with me and what is getting chucked.
• go through everything I've collected as "future teaching material" and see what out of it is actually useful and what is going to get chucked.
• organize all of the things I've bought... and buy more. 
• clean every square inch of the apartment so we get our security deposit back.
• pack for Florence.
• pack a suitcase to bring to Florence for Dad to bring home. (and if you're reading this Dad- please??)

I know there is a ton more, but that's all I can think of right this second. I've got about 274 To Do lists laying in various places reminding me of different things. It'll all get done at some point. 

Then, of course, I get home and immediately have to start applying to teaching jobs. Which reminds me, I need to get a recommendation letter from a teacher here before I leave. 

I've got 2 1/2 weeks of teaching left, which is absolutely crazy. Then, Mommy comes! The first few days will probably be a lot of cleaning, packing, and walking around Toulouse. Then, we fly to Florence and I get to see my Daddy too!! 5 days of traveling around Italy, then another week in Toulouse where I'll need to finish packing, move out of my apartment and into a hotel for the last few days. Hopefully we'll be able to take the train to some cool places near by. Everyone hope for warm weather!

I'm going to apologize in advance because with so little time left, I'm spending very little of it at home, so I don't have as much time to update you all as I'd like. But, you'll all hear from me/see me soon enough either way!!

Spring has sprung!

There are flowers and bugs and fuzzy wuzzies crawling about! I love warm weather and I'm so happy I get to experience it here in Toulouse!

I'm in a fantastic mood, but I don't have time to write a whole post, so I'll leave you this friendly reminder before meeting up with friends in town:



For real though. Number one lesson I've learned here- be you!

One month 'til Mama!

I know I just posted yesterday, but I've got a 2 hour break in between classes, so I figured I'd remind everyone that I GET TO SEE MY MOMMY IN A MONTH!!! I know I saw my parents in January so it's not like it's been 6 months or anything, but I only saw them for 2 days and even if I'd seen them for a week, I'd still be missing them just as much 2 months later. If you can't tell, I love and miss my family very much.

I wasn't really sure what this post was going to be about other than seeing Mama Green soon, but I think I've got an idea now! I've been talking a lot about how sad I am that my time here is ending and everything I'm going to miss, so I'll put an upbeat spin on this one!

What I'm Looking Forward to Most about Coming Home:

• seeing my family everyday

I consider myself to be very close with my family and I can't wait to see them everyday. It's something I took for granted before I left and I'm honestly super excited to spend time with them. I wish I was able to see all of family every day, but the least I can do is appreciate being around those who are close by.

• seeing how freaking big my niece, Kiely, has gotten

Since I live at home with Kiely and see her everyday, I don't see a drastic transformation with her like I do with all of my other nieces and nephews. I've spoken to her on skype and I can already hear how much her language is progressing, but I can't wait to see how much she's grown. Also, her manners and general attitude have become much more grown up, so I'm looking forward to seeing those changes too!

• being home for the summer means summer vacation and seeing the rest of my family

I'm lucky enough to live with my sister, Nicole, still, but my other siblings, Heather and Stephen, both live far away with their families. So I don't get to see them and their munchkins too often. But, I'm hoping that everyone will be able to get together again this summer in Myrtle Beach so we can catch up and I can see how big everyone has gotten. I'll even get to meet my new niece, Kinsley, for the first time! Also, while I'm in Myrtle Beach, I'll get to see Poochi and meet her husband and their little boy (if he'd hurry up and come out already!)

• speaking to Jason without having to use a camera or a keyboard

The two of us have been working really hard to speak often and be there for each other, even though we're far apart. But, I'm so tired of this time difference and saying goodnight via webcam and good morning via email. I want to be able to give each other advice and support in person. Plus, we talk so much that sometimes I trick my brain into thinking he's still 5 minutes away, so it'll be really nice to actually be able to call him up and grab lunch spur of the moment when I get the urge to- as opposed to now, where I just remember that I'm in France and that the Chuck Wagon is not.

• eating at the Chuck Wagon

That last sentence just made me think of their biscuits and sausage gravy and fjsdoyhfôitgoh. That will be one of my first stops, for sure. While we're discussing food, I am also looking forward to greasy pizza (preferably buffalo chicken), green bean casserole, corned beef (since I didn't get any on Sunday), buffalo wings from Slider's, penne a la vodka from Matteo's, a bacon egg and cheese on a hard roll from JoJo's, split pea soup from Windmill, beef stroganoff, and anything from Pancho's and Gringo's.

• seeing my friends

I love my friends here, but I haven't forgotten those at home! Whether it's hanging out with people in New Milford or driving up to New Britain to see friends there, I am so excited to catch up with everyone because, let's face it, I'm pretty shit at keeping in touch. It's a weird time now because everyone is graduating and looking for jobs and moving around and I just don't know who is up to what, so I'm excited to chat and have a good time with everyone.

• driving

I miss driving so much. It's weird because it's not like I was obsessed with driving beforehand, but I have had the urge to drive since the first week I was here. There's no need for me to drive here, but I just miss my car. I hope my family is treating the tortoise okay! I'm probably going to get in and stall within the first 5 seconds, but whatevs.

• working at the golf course

I know it sounds silly, but I always have such a great time with everyone I work with. I miss giving all the golfers a hard time and driving the cart around on a beautiful day. I even miss dodging golf balls and running from over-protective geese. I am even looking forward to grabbing a bagel and coffee before opening the pro shop before sunrise. I don't know if I'll find a teaching job or where I'll be in the next year, but I'm happy to have good old CVCC to enjoy this summer at least.

• getting a large coffee that is actually large

I guess this one doesn't need much of an explanation...

• sleeping in a comfortable bed
• not having to constantly watch for dog crap (and hoping that it is in fact dog crap.)   
• seeing my puppy and kitty!!

I suppose this has gotten a bit out of hand, but I think I've made my point. Even though I am going to miss it here terribly, I clearly have very very much to look forward to when I'm home. And that last word is the main thing I guess. I love Toulouse, but it's not home, and I guess that's what that whole list means to me- home.

Surprise Free Time!

Once again, I must apologize for my lazy blogging recently. I honestly have just been keeping pretty busy and having the best time relaxing and hanging out with my friends. St. Patrick's Day weekend was absolutely crazy and as always, we had a great time at our favorite Irish pub, the Melting Pot. They were having some deals and some fun giveaways throughout the weekend, so we spent a majority of our nights there. (I'll post some pictures when I get home, but I'm still at school right now).

Here are some of my favorites:

I was supposed to have a class right now, but the teacher had to leave suddenly for an emergency and no one told me, so I'm just enjoying a coffee and updating you for the next 20 minutes or so before my own private class thingy.

I can't believe I only have 4 1/2 more weeks of teaching. My Mommy is arriving a month from tomorrow and our trip planning is coming along very nicely! I am really looking forward to seeing everyone at home, but like I said in the last post, I just know how sad I'm going to be at the same time when all of this is over. I can honestly say that I've made friends I'm going to keep in touch with for the rest of my life. I just wish I didn't happen to live an ocean away from all of them. I just can't help it, I love those sarcastic, dry-humored, English babes. At least it gives me more excuses to come to Europe, right? As if I needed any more.

I can honestly say that this experience has made amazing changes in me that are going to be present the rest of my life. I am more confident, self-assured, and happy than I have ever been. I don't think those things will go away when I return home, at least I hope not. I'm ready to be back with my family and friends and everyone I love. I just hope it's not too difficult adjusting to life back in Connecticut. I'm sure I'll make it through. I'm a pretty tough cookie.

And who knows, maybe some day I'll have the chance to spend more time in Europe while sharing the experience with people I love. I don't really know how that would work, but a girl can dream, right?

I need to get going for the next class, but I'll try and remember to add some pictures when I get home. After this little piggy gets her dinner though. It's only 4:30 and my stomach is already growling.

Okay, I'm actually leaving now.

A toute!


PS- I just got back home from teaching my private class. We talked about St. Patrick's Day in the US and we did "mad-libs" about leprechauns and the Blarney Stone, which were a huge success. It got the students laughing, practicing different parts of speech, reading out loud, and comprehending English readings!

PARIS!!

Paris was such a wonderful, wonderful whirlwind. When I first arrived, I must admit that I was completely overwhelmed by the mass amount of things there are to do. I had a whole week there, but the first few days when I was staying in the hostel, I found it really difficult to just get up and go. I wanted to have a plan, but then plans changed, so I'd have to make a new plan, blah blah blah. Thankfully I got my act together by the time I went to stay with my friend! 

I can't even remember everything I did while I was in Paris and it would take forever to go through my whole trip in detail, so here's a brief wrap up!

Museums:

-Musee d'art moderne

-Palais de Tokyo 

-Musee d'erotisme

-Musee de la Musique

-Le Louvre

-Musee d'Orsay

-Musee Rodin

-Centre Pompidou

-Musee de Montmartre

Non-Museum Things:

-Sacree Coeur

-La Butte de Montmarte

-L'Arc de Triomphe

-Le Tour Eiffel

-Le Bastille

-L'Opera Garnier (from the outside)

-Notre Dame

-Le Cafe des Deux Moulins (where they filmed Amelie!)

-La Duree (macarons!)

-L'avenue Champs Elysees

-Le Pont Neuf

-Le Moulin Rouge (from the outside)

Not to mention I got to see two of my friends that I studied with in Nova Scotia years ago! Lots of wine and bread and coffee and metro tickets and running around like a chicken with my head cut off. 

I think some of the most memorable moments happened when I just actually realized where the hell I was. For instance, I was walking up from the metro and as soon as I stepped out the Arc de Triomphe was just right there in front of me. It took my breath away and I just started laughing hysterically. I don't know why, but laughing uncontrollably just seemed to be my go to reaction because it happened when walking up to the Louvre and the Eiffel Tower as well. People around me must have thought I was absolutely insane, but I couldn't help it. I've been studying French since I was 12 and I've seen countless numbers of pictures of these places and I've read about their history and I've thought about visiting them for years and all of a sudden they were right their in front of me. I just kept asking myself over and over again, "Where the fuck are you, Tori?" 

The city itself is stinky and dirty and cloudy and a 12 year old boy pinched my ass, but it's just impossible to look around without seeing incredible architecture and history in every single inch of space surrounding you. 

I did so many things, but I didn't even make a dent in everything that there is to see there. I honestly do think that everyone could find enough things there to keep you interested you're entire visit, no matter what your interests are. I just can't believe how incredibly lucky I am to have the opportunity to be in France and visit Paris and be able to tell stories to my future students about that time when I was walking through Notre Dame or that time I stood under the Eiffel Tower at sunset. I get to tell my future kids that a waiter in Paris made fun of us for ordering the second bottle of wine before we'd finished the first. It's real now. 

Anyways, here's some pictures!

It's really difficult to explain all of the different emotions I was/still am feeling. Classes are starting back up on Monday and there's 7 more weeks of lessons and then it's done. My Mama's coming over and we're going to travel and have an incredible time together exploring. But, after that I'm going home. I have to say goodbye to my friends. I have to say goodbye to France. to Europe. I have to go home and look for a job and start having to take care of financial responsibilities and I am looking forward to so many things about being home. I miss my family and my friends and my Jason and I can't wait to have them all close to me again. It's just really strange to know that this is all going to be over soon. This is without a doubt the best thing I've ever done for myself. I'm so happy to be having each moment and to be making each memory with these crazy people. I just know how incredibly sad I'm going to be when it's over. Yet, I know I'll be happy to be home as well. It's a strange mixture of feelings, but how freaking incredible is it that I'm in the position to even have these thoughts? I'm a lucky lucky girl. 

Travel Time!

Hey everyone! I am currently on vacation from classes for 2 weeks, so I'll be going to Paris! I'm leaving tomorrow and I'll be back in a week, but I won't have my computer. So, besides this post, you won't be hearing from me for a week or so. I promise to tell you all about my week as soon as I get back though!

I'm driving up with one of the teachers I work with and her family and I'm really excited!! I'll be staying in a hostel the first few days and then with a friend for the rest of the week. I have a couple friends studying in Paris right now that I haven't seen in years, so I can't wait to be reunited!

I really don't have any plans about what I want to do or see (I'm crap at traveling), but my roomie was kind enough to make me a list of some things and let me borrow her Paris travel guide, which I'm sure will come in handy. I have a whole week there though, so I'm sure I'll get to see lots of things without having to rush around like crazy. Yayyyy Paris!!! I traveled through Paris coming from London to Bayeux and from Bayeux to Toulouse, but I literally never left the metro, so I'm hoping I'll see a bit more this time around! I don't know why I'm using so many exclamation points!! But I am!!

!!!!!

Sorry. I'm just really excited if you can't tell. I'm supposed to be teaching French to people when I get back and now I can finally go to Paris, so when I'm teaching about it I won't be completely talking out of my ass. Just mostly.

Besides this trip, there isn't much to update you all on. This weekend has been absolutely crazy, which I'm hoping will lead into a crazy week. OH! And it's actually been snowing here like the past 2 days. It's sticking and everything! I'm hoping it won't be a problem for the drive tomorrow, but it is quite lovely. And as much as I always complain about snow, I do miss home quite terribly, so it's making me smile a bit seeing it here. I even took some pictures walking home from the pub last night :)

Oh and also, this ad has been making appearances all around Toulouse and I cannot stop laughing because of it. Enjoy!

Late night (early morning?) thoughts.

I have managed to completely disrupt my sleep cycle over the course of the last few couple weeks, sleeping all day and staying up all night. Sounds like the life of a rock star, but in reality, I've just been a lazy bum. So, here I am at 4:50 AM when I need to be at work in 3 hours. And I'm updating my blog. Sigh.

Not to fear! I'm hoping that by staying up all night tonight and forcing myself to stay awake the entire day tomorrow, my body will be begging for sleep nice and early tomorrow, effectively un-disrupting this vicious cycle. I hope.

But, as I've been trying to sleep for quite some time now, here are some of the thoughts that have floated around in my brain regarding my time here in Toulouse. Some are the product of memories made and lessons learned during my time here. Some are realizations and ideas I've come to terms with by observing (and interpreting to my own needs) the actions of others. Maybe others are just from growing up. a little.

• You can't plan for everything. Things will change unexpectedly. People (including yourself) are capable of doing things you'd never expect- both good and bad.  Things happen at the last minute and you'll have to adapt. And that is okay. As crazy and frustrating and annoying as it can be, you will get through it. It's also what makes things spontaneous and thrilling and how adventures happen! As much as I have wanted to sometimes, you can't curl up in bed and hide from change. You've just got to learn from it and move on from there.

• You need to do what is best for you. I am so young and I still have so much to learn about myself and about the world around me. How can I grow to become the person I want to be if I'm constantly worrying about what everyone else thinks? I'm not saying that you shouldn't consider other people. I can't count how many times I've called my parents asking them what I should do about this or that since I've been in France. I've got people I love at home that are effected (affected?) by my decisions as well. But, at the end of the day, if there's something that I think is right for me than I need to pursue it. People's feelings might get hurt. You might lose friends, but the ones who matter will be there supporting you along the way. Your family, as important as they are, will not always agree with you, but at some point you need to take a stand and do what you think is best for you. They'll still be there- I promise. And you are definitely going to make mistakes, but who cares?? There is no learning without mistakes! And when people come along in life and you decide that their opinion is just as important as your own hold on to them! That's one of the biggest decisions you can make for yourself- including others in your efforts to make a better you. Because sometimes when you find that person, they'll help you achieve it without you even knowing. 

• On top of doing what is best for you- don't be afraid to let the real you show! I have spent so much of my life analyzing my every action, my every word- wondering how I came across to others. Am I talking too much? Am I wearing the right thing? Is my opinion going to insult anyone? Am I getting along? It's exhausting! One of the goals I had in place before coming to Toulouse was just to act how I wanted and try not to worry so much about what others thought about it. And it was much easier than I thought it would be! It helped that I didn't know anyone here, so they didn't have any expectations for me. There wasn't a way they thought a "normal" Tori would act. So I go to just act... however I wanted. I'm not saying that I'm never concerned, that's a part of just being polite and having decent social skills, but it no longer consumes me and it is so freeing. I highly recommend it.

• Doing nice things for others with having no expectation of anyone acknowledging it feels really really good. And when someone does acknowledge it- boom. Explosions of happiness. It can be little things- washing someone's dishes, giving a stranger the 20 cents they need to buy a metro ticket, picking up a piece of trash, standing up so the woman with 4 kids can have your seat on the metro, or offering to take the picture so that your friend can be in it. They're all so silly and seemingly minuscule, but if you make it a habit of doing them, I find you'll smile a bit more often. 

I know I'm young and I have got a lot to learn about soooo many things, but this trip has taught me a lot about myself. Feel free to disagree with anything/everything that I've said (because that's a part of being true to yourself and having the right to your own opinion!) What a great thing that is! It's just funny to me that these are the thoughts that come to my head when I should be sleeping. Yet, while I'm awake all I can think about is how much I miss greasy pizza.... which is a lot. 

Proud.

On Tuesdays I teach an extra lesson with a few students until about 6:00. This week, after the lesson, there was an art exhibit inauguration being put on by some of the students and teachers. They had been working on it for about 4 months and were all really excited to explain the piece to everyone there and find out everyone's opinions.

Well, a lot of the students I work with in English class were there presenting and they were all SO excited to see me there. They came running over and handed me a lovely pamphlet of information and went on to tell me so many interesting things about the artwork. They explained how the exhibit was set up, what possible interpretations could be seen, what it took to put it together, how they personally felt about the experience, and more... in ENGLISH! They were all so passionate about the work and you could just see the pride in their eyes that they had been a part of it. It just goes to show that when you have a great interest in something, you're much more willing to push yourself further in your language abilities than you ever thought you could go. It was so great having this conversation with them and then once we were done talking their eyes would just kind of light up all of a sudden when they realized they had just had an intellectual and informative conversation in English.

I felt like such a proud mother hen.

I also got to practice my French as I walked around the buffet. And for the record, when choosing someone to talk to, just because the man has gray hair does not mean that you are free from getting asked out. At least I tried. But, I was able to have a nice conversation with a few people. It was funny seeing my students faces when I began speaking French. It was like I'd been tricking them this whole time!

That's all I really have to share at the moment, but I just thought it was really sweet.

On the other hand, I'm currently laying in bed complaining about my cold symptoms to anyone willing to listen to me. So, I should probably go before I think that this is the best way to complain to the most people. Wahhhh!

Violets!

The whole time I've been in Toulouse, I keep hearing about these violets that are supposedly everywhere. Even their football club is called "les violets." However, I've yet to see any of these purple lovelies... until I went to the Violet Festival on Saturday! I'll admit, I wouldn't exactly call it riveting, but it was cute. There were about 15-20 different booths set up and full of all things violet. And I mean all things. Crystallized violet petal candies, gummy violet candies, violet chocolate bars, violet wine, violet liqueurs, violet tea, violet scented candles, photographs of violets, violet lolly pops, dolls holding violets, bread baked with violet petals in it, violet scented bath salts... and I can keep going. I sampled as many things as I possibly could and my favorite things that I had were the violet hot chocolate and the violet macaron. Honestly, they were almost too good. There was also a group of Toulousians dressed up doing traditional dances, which was fun to watch. It was almost nice enough to make me forget the anti-gay marriage rally going on simultaneously on the other side of the square. Almost.

 Besides the violets, this week was full of lots of other activities. I spent WAY too much money, but it was worth it visiting all of these new fabulous restaurants. Tuesday night the girls went to dinner at a little Lebanese place in town, which was delicious. Dinner was followed by drinks at Cafe Pop, which happened to be Ladies buy one get one free night, thankfully. I feel like I did things the rest of the week too, but I can't remember for the life of me. Friday, a few of us went to this vegetarian all you can eat buffet. It sounds strange, but it was so good. And I was so full that I didn't even have room for free ice cream. I can guarantee you that that is the first that has ever happened. After, we went to the rum bar close by, but we called it a night after one drink thanks to our full tummies. Saturday, I met Lorna for the violets and we got lunch together at this cool little sandwich/salad place which was a really good value for a quick easy meal. Then, Saturday night, we had a night out, which was really fun. I went to this "Australian" bar called Snapper Rock, which was really packed and loud. Normally, that's not my scene, but it was a good time and had good music playing, so I'm okay with it. And I can't forget to mention the late night kebab for the walk home! 

As an American, my Sunday was obviously scheduled entirely around the Super Bowl. Unfortunately, in France, the Super Bowl doesn't even start until midnight. Luckily for me, we found a bar that did a quiet little lock-in and stayed open for the whole game. Considering the game didn't end until 5 in the morning, it's also lucky that I didn't have to work on Monday. 

But, I'm getting ahead of myself. BEFORE the Super Bowl celebrations, the girls and I met up for dinner at a restaurant called "The Hippopotamus" for some burgers and unlimited sides. We went straight to the pub afterwards and we happened to be there early enough for the pub quiz they were having! We split up into two teams. My team came in 5th place, which is much higher than we were anticipating, but the other girls came in first! So, we had a lovely prize to split between us! A bottle of our choice: vodka, whiskey, or gin. Vodka was the winner in this case. 

Although I was rooting for the 49er's, I didn't care too much about the outcome of the game, so I was doing my share of chatting and eating and drinking delicious Guinness. I got to meet some new people, who were really cool, even though I yelled at them for yelling and joking during the National Anthem... oops. You can't take us Americans anywhere. People brought in pizza and wings and it was a really fun night and a great weekend in general. 

But, now it's time to painfully look at my bank account and take it easy for a week or so... except that my tax refunds just came in and the sales are still going on in France for another week... so... I'll save after that.

Looking up.

So things haven't exactly been smooth sailing recently, but in the past couple of days my optimism and energy have definitely begun to resurface. While, I won't say they've blossomed yet, they're definitely on their way. Somehow I've managed to turn myself into a flower. I guess the tattoo makes sense now, anyway.

It's not that anything big or special has happened to make me feel particularly peppy, but I'm finding it's the little things. For example: having an interesting conversation in French (and if it's grammatically correct you might see me jump for joy), taking the time to clean my room or straighten my hair, the fact that it's 60 degrees and sunny in February, or having a chat with my Mama or Anna le on skype. All of these things are fantastic on their own, but the past two days have been filled with these little things that add up and make one happy Tori.

I just kind of snapped out of the "snooze" I was in the past couple weeks. I realized that I only have 3 more months here in France. While that may sound like a long time, the first 4 months absolutely flew by. I can't waste time laying in bed feeling sorry for myself. I've got to make the most out of my time here and gosh darn it, I'm going to! Once again, I don't mean that I need to travel to 27 countries during each of my vacations and go skiing in the Alpes every weekend. As terrific as that would be, I once again think that I'll make the most out of my time here by doing the little things.

I'm going to go get dinner and drinks with my friends tonight. We'll laugh and play silly games and speak too much English, but that's okay. I've been much better about speaking with the other teachers in French and joining in on more conversations, even if I'm not feeling 100% confident. I'm going to babysit an adorable little French girl that reminds me so much of my niece, Kiely. I get to help her speak English, while playing and working a bit on my French too (shhh!). I get to see some of my most timid students slowly raising their hands and participating more often. I get to eat delicious cheese as often as I want! I am so honored and privileged and so damn lucky to be here. And I know that it's all of these little things that I'll remember the most.

That's not to say that I'm not looking forward to traveling though! It's actually one of my goals this weekend to look at the budget and see if I can sneak in a bit of traveling during the next vacation, even if it's just to another part of France. We'll see! Not to mention my mommy is coming back in April!! Ahhhhh, I can't wait!!! llsdkfkhgfgjgf.

The point is, no more Ms. Grumpy Gills. C'est vachement mieux d'etre heureuse, non? 

Weeble Wobble Tori

 So, you remember these babies? Sure you do! Weebles wobble, but they don't fall down! Well, lately I feel like I've been channeling my inner weeble (weeble wobble?) Either way. They point is that I don't know what the heck I want.

I love love love France, but I am slowly becoming more homesick. Seeing my parents and Jason was amazing, but now I miss them even more it seems. I miss my friends and family that I haven't seen. I even miss my job at the golf course. And I know I'm going home in just over 3 months (99 days to be exact). So, being homesick is a mild inconvenience which will be over soon and I'll be begging to come back to France. The thing is though, for the past month or so, I've been really looking into coming back sooner and possibly staying longer. I was really thinking about renewing my contract here, but too many people applied, so we can't. Then, I was thinking about looking into grad school, but I'd still need an income. I'm sure I could find another program or a nannying job or something, but then I think- I came here to experience living in France and to practice the language and to teach. I've done those things... maybe it's time to go home and see if I can find a teaching job in New England somewhere.

Yet, with that there aren't really any job postings yet. And even if there were, it's really hard to go to an interview in CT when you happen to be living in France.

I can always come back a different time though, right? But, how if I got a job teaching?? I guess during the summer. I don't know. These are the little arguments I've been having inside my head. It's like I love it here and it's fun and it's a really easy job with enough pay to get by. But, I can't help feeling that when it's over in May, it might be time to go home and grow up.

I'm so worried about settling down too early before knowing where I want to live for the rest of my life, but I know that's silly. Just because I get a teaching job in CT doesn't mean I have to always live in CT. People move all the time.

I just don't know what I want to do and I can't make up my mind and it's driving me a little bit insane. But, the most important thing to remember is- like weebles, I may wobble, but I'm sure as hell not falling down.